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Why I'm No Longer in a Sorority



On Insta Stories on Monday I was surprised to discover how many people wanted to see more lifestyle posts and just how many of you are interested in college content! I used to share so many more posts that were on the personal side, but I put them on the back-burner for the past few months. Today I really want to talk about something that I know a lot of you are interested in, being in a sorority. Even if you are opposed to Greek Life, sororities, or just generally uninterested in college content, I am sharing some valuable lessons I learned in the process of letting go of Alpha Phi.


At Lehigh, going through recruitment was one of the best decisions I could have made. I have talked about it so many times, but I was dreading heading back to school at the beginning of second semester, and I knew I probably wasn't going to stay at Lehigh no matter how recruitment panned out. However, I really, really hoped that joining a sorority would change things, and I knew I needed to at least try recruitment and see what happened. Whether or not I wanted to rush never really crossed my mind as I always knew it was something I wanted and it was even something I looked for in a college. My mom had the best experience in college with her sorority, being social chair, living in the house for three years, making the best friends of her life, and so did my Dad. Lehigh is also so predominately Greek that it felt like everyone was going through recruitment, and I wanted to have that experience too.

Long story short, I didn't enjoy recruitment. Then again, who does? It was a stressful and exhausting week of "girl flirting," standing outside in the cold, constantly feeling like my hair looked terrible and my outfits were lame, etc. Nonetheless, I pledged my sorority and gave it a chance, and it completely changed my experience at Lehigh second semester. I fell in love with my sorority, all of the girls in my pledge class, my big, my twin, and everyone else in the house. We all became so close and I am so lucky to say I was a part of a sorority where it really felt like a sisterhood (as cliche as it sounds). Yet, at the end of the day I knew I couldn't feel myself wanting to go back to Lehigh this year, and letting go of my sorority was one of the most challenging aspects that I had to leave behind. I looked forward to living in the house and having a "complete" sorority experience, but I felt optimistic knowing that my sorority was here at Wisconsin and I could transition chapters.

my fam!

Fast forward throughout summer and I was getting ready to potentially transfer over into my sorority at this school. I knew recruitment started first semester, so I planned to come to campus early and meet girls in my new chapter before recruiting. I don't want to go into too many details for the sake of hurting anyone's feelings or twisting the situation, but I can say for myself and on behalf of two other girls transferring into our chapter, I could not have felt more unwelcome.

I really wanted to make it work being in a sorority here, and I definitely had the notion that things would fall into place and I would make friends in my chapter just as I did at Lehigh. I spent a few days at the house before I found out I wouldn't be affiliated until next semester, which meant I couldn't attend many events this semester. I would love to say during those days I felt like girls understood our situation as transfer students and wanted to get to know us and make us feel comfortable being new, but no one attempted to get to know us or welcome us almost at all. The worst part was that I knew other girls transferring into other chapters that were affiliated right away and didn't have these problems at all. Those girls were welcomed, treated like sisters, and able to jump right in. I, on the other hand, felt uncomfortable, excluded, and unvalued within my own chapter, one that I rightfully should have had the opportunity to be a part of.

Sorority drama doesn't need to be explicit and all over the internet, but I want to be open and honest with my experience. I have decided to no longer be a part of my sorority here because to me, being in a sorority means being surrounded by girls and sisters who love you, value you, and are there for you no matter what. It doesn't make sense to be a part of something where I feel unappreciated and treated like my presence doesn't matter.

I am writing for a really cool magazine, I am a part of a workout club, a faith-based club, and I have already signed my lease with 3 friends for next year. I love my new school, and I don't need to be a part of something that risks that statement to not be true. I will always support Greek Life and I never want to forget or discount the positive experience I had with being in a sorority, but for me right now, it's just not a situation I want or need in my life anymore. It's definitely hard to accept and it is really disappointing, but I'm so much happier finding my own friends and surrounding myself with people who lift me up. I don't want to sound like I am hating on any of the individual girls in the chapter here, because there were definitely a handful that were so kind to me and made me feel welcomed, but as a whole I feel better being disaffiliated.

If you have ever had a similar experience, I would love to hear your story.
xoxo

11 comments

  1. this was a great piece - thanks for sharing fran <3 happy you've been able to build your own community at Wisconsin, bc honestly thats one of the most important skills ive gained in college so far!

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    1. Thank you! Me too, it's definitely put things in perspective for me :)

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  2. Such a great lesson. It's so true that there is no "one best sorority". Chapters vary all over America. I'm lucky to be in a great Alpha Delta Pi chapter but I've heard horror stories from other ADPi chapters. It's a tough decision to make but a great step in the right direction of happiness! I'm happy you made the decision that was best for you!

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  3. I had a similar experience at my old school too. I felt excluded from my sorority because I was a commuter though. Thank you for sharing your story!

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    1. Aw, that's terrible! Thanks for reading :)

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  4. I totally can understand where you are coming from. I was in a sorority for all four years but I never really fit in. It didn't help either when I left to do an internship at Disney and no one stayed in contact with me. Luckily, when I came back, that was my last semester of college so I basically didn't go to anything, went alum, and closed that chapter of my life. I'm glad you found new and better groups of people to be with!

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    1. There are definitely ups and downs to Greek Life... good for you for accepting what is and moving forward!

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  5. Fran, I loved this post so much! Props to you for being so honest and sharing your story; I'm so glad you've found your place at your new school whether it included a sorority or not.
    xx, Lauren | misslaurenalston.com

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  6. I really appreciated this post, I'm considering transferring at the end of this year and constantly wondering whether or not I'll fit into my new chapter has been a struggle for me and a huge factor in my hesitation to transfer. It's good to see that you've been able to build community outside of your sorority and gives me hope I can do the same. Thanks!

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