2012 Fran hadn’t yet made lifelong best friends, fallen in love, witnessed divorce or experienced heartbreak, gone to college, made more best friends, or grown-up literally, at all. While yes, I've wanted this since eighth grade, 2012 Fran wanted the NYC fabulous lifestyle because Milwaukee just seemed lame. At 13, I didn’t yet know how much I would come to appreciate the place I have been able to call home for the past 14 years, and how much that place would shape me into who I am.
So now I’m sitting here in the house I moved into right before I began my senior year of high school, thinking about all of the memories I’ve made in this city. I’ve gone on runs up and down Lake Drive more times than I could count, eaten sooo many cheese curds and so much Kopp's, played a lot of Field Hockey, had some wild nights at Trinity, stood in the pouring rain for hours at Summerfest to hear my favorite song, earned first place at one of my water ballet competitions in middle school (THAT was exciting), cheered at Brewer’s games, drank Spotted Cow, hosted annual cookie exchange parties for my best friend's and their mom's, attended sleepaway camp for years in a row (the archery pic I am laughing), the list goes on… I grew up here. I’ve done everything here. I love it here.
The nice thing about memories is that no one can take them away from me. I don’t have to let them go. And, while I don’t feel 100% excited right now about leaving and moving across the country, I just have to remind myself of three things that encourage me and motivate me to go:
1. I chose this. I applied for jobs in NYC because it’s what I wanted as a college senior who had no ties and felt incredibly fearless… and it still is what I want. Now that it’s happening, I just feel scared… shocker. Just because saying goodbye to Milwaukee looks different from what I expected (hello, who saw my mom moving to Charleston, like, actually, this year? Not I!), this is still what I wanted for myself and my career, it was still entirely my choice and my doing, and so it’s important that I pursue even if I’m freaking out right now.
2. I can always come back; I don’t have to stay in NYC forever. Honestly, I don’t know if I actually see myself coming back to Milwaukee, but it’s a comforting truth. If I want to, I can. Realistically though, I have no idea what’s going to happen. I am living in the present moment because I don’t really have another option, which is a good thing. I have no idea how I’m going to like living in NYC, if I’ll want to stay, if I’ll want to come back to Milwaukee, if I’ll become fluent in French and move to Paris… I have no idea. But it’s true: I can always come back.
3. It’s time to move on… this one is tough. I am a very nostalgic person and I’m constantly looking back on parts of my life and comparing them to my current state. It’s slightly unhealthy and slightly obsessive, but I have gotten a lot better about it in recent time… in fact, in recent months especially. This new chapter I’m heading into is going to be good for me, I can just feel it. I think it’s important for me to move on from a place where my family has entirely left, where my career isn’t (at least right now), in order to pursue new things and discover what I’m going to do with my life. While it’s sad right now and definitely not going to be easy from the get-go, I just know that I would never be fully satisfied if I never left Milwaukee, and now that my family has left, it’s a good time for me to go, too. Like I said above, I can always come back, but right now I just need to try something new, experience something different, and see what happens.
xoxo
Fran
I've been reading your blog since I was a sophomore in high school, and now I'm a senior at UW! Crazy how time flies by! This post resonates with me so much as someone likely moving away from WI next year :') good luck in NYC!!
ReplyDeleteawww thank you so much for following along, emily!! good luck with the rest of your senior year!
Deletexo,
fran
Aw Fran this post made me emotional too! I have been reading along with you since we were both in high school and this is so exciting and so scary at the same time, I am sure. I can totally relate about being nostalgic. When I moved away from home it helped me to think of all the stories of my hometown I would be able to share with my "new city friends."
ReplyDeleteCheers! Ally
aw!! thank you for following ally! definitely scary and exciting, but love that idea.
Deletexo,
fran
This post is SO real. Moving away from home was so unexpectedly scary (fellow 2020 grad here), but adding on all of the unwelcome anxiety from the pandemic doesn't make it any easier. You will be in my thoughts in the coming weeks! I feel like NYC is going to be so fun this summer tbh, so excited for you to be there for it
ReplyDeleteaw thank you so much madison!! definitely hoping for a fun summer in the city!
Deletexo, fran